


Hope, libraries and late night thoughts

by atsunomiya (KilluCoulomb)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ambiguity, Angst, But it's up to you to decide ok be my guest, Character Study, I feel you suna, I'm Bad At Titles, I'm sorry Suna Rintarou, Introspection, Late night thoughts, M/M, No Dialogue, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Suna Rintarou Can't Feelings, Undecided Relationship(s), weird metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23575693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KilluCoulomb/pseuds/atsunomiya
Summary: Even though Suna seemed a guy unaware of his environment because of his sleepy gaze, he was the polar opposite of that. Suna noticed the smallest things and unconsciously added them to a drawer in his brain that would eventually overflow and drown him in situations like this.Lately, that drawer's been full of details about Miya Osamu. More than he wanted to admit.
Relationships: Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 84





	Hope, libraries and late night thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Hey it's ya girl here
> 
> So, Suna's one of my favorite characters and I've been wondering lately about what makes him interesting out of volleyball context and found out a lot of unique things in his personality, specially the fact that he's presented as a passive guy, plus the fact that he narrates Kita's flashback but doesn't have one of his own. I think it says a lot about him as a person, so I tried going for the angst (I missed writing angst oh boy I did) and the pining because these things make you think a lot. And Suna's the introverted thinker kind of guy so...
> 
> I hope you enjoy this, it's short but it's made with love.

Suna shifted in his bed, burying his head against the soft fabric of his pillow, that still smelled like fabric softener and his shampoo. Shoving a hand under it, he pulled out his phone, squinting his eyes at the light coming from the screen directly at his pupils. 

2:35 AM

With a sigh, he stopped himself from logging in social media and put the phone back at its place under the pillow. The temptation was strong but the thoughts that invaded his head were stronger. 

Suna bit his lip and turned on his stomach, contemplating the faint view of his room's ceiling, wishing for a moment that he had the talent to empty his head completely and fall asleep in seconds. 

Even though Suna seemed a guy unaware of his environment because of his sleepy gaze, he was the polar opposite of that. Suna noticed the smallest things and unconsciously added them to a drawer in his brain that would eventually overflow and drown him in situations like this.   
Lately, that drawer's been full of details about Miya Osamu. More than he wanted to admit. 

Suna is not the kind of guy that seeks conflict. He likes teasing people with the facts he learns about them from afar. Makes him feel a bit more secure when interacting. Most of the times, he only talks to people through these flaws and habits he learns about them. He know Aran makes funny faces at children when he's in the train because he saw him doing it once. Gin reacts nervously when people approach the "girlfriend" topic, because he's self conscious about not having one. Atsumu had several dumb teenage "phases" that he'll probably regret when he grows up…  
People like Kita-san tend to make Suna uneasy because of the flawless behavior, it tends to make him feel pressured and remember his problems. The ones he doesn't have the will to change or solve.  
But people like Osamu are a puzzle to him. 

Suna knows Osamu's little flaws, but somehow they're not the only thing he keeps about him. Osamu draws Suna's attention towards himself with no reason at all. He makes Suna open another drawer in his head, ready to collect every single fact about him he may think it's worth the effort. 

He doesn't understand why. Suna likes to imagine that his passive of interacting gives him some kind of invisibility cloak, makes him a watcher in other people's lives. He doesn't want to take part in it. 

Osamu's different. Suna finds himself looking at him and wishing to talk to him, to have his attention undivided, to have those greyish eyes, that turned black when he was angry or nervous, gazing at him, and at him only. 

It was new. Suna doesn't like the new. He's a creature of habit, take time to get used to things, likes schedules and routines. When Suna's blocking, he wishes he could skip to the part where he already got used to the spiker's moves and can already "do his magic" as Atsumu says. Maybe that's why he developed a fast thinking and a good game sense. Because he hates waiting. 

To hate the wait, huh?

Ironically, the waiting, longing and desiring sensation was what kept him awake now, at a Sunday. 

He hates how he can't stop his eyes from directing towards Osamu in the court when he's subbed out. Despises how much effort he made to take off the invisibility cloak and make himself visible, palpable and real to Osamu. Make himself noticeable. Demand attention. It was not like him at all. 

Suna feels frustrated when he can't stop his lips from tilting up, just a little bit, when he thinks about Osamu. 

On his bed, he feels it once again, the heat on his cheeks along with that weird fuzzy warmth the spread in his entire body. He drapes an arm over his face, snorting at his own ridiculous reaction. 

Suna hates how Osamu came into his life and pulled him out of his safety zone without meaning to. Suna hates himself for complying so easily. 

Suna hates himself because he knows that the sweet, rare smile Osamu displayed when they were having lunch together wasn't because of him, but he wished it was. He liked that smile. He liked it when Osamu took out bit of all that suppressed emotional charge he carries inside that empty head and let himself laugh freely and gaze dreamily at an empty spot on the wall in front of their seat on the school's roof.  
Suna wishes that gaze was for him too. And he hates himself for it. 

Just from remembering of that shine that made the emotionless gray turn into a shiny silver, Suna felt the frustration again. He closed his eyes, reliving the memory of listening to Osamu's giggle over and over. 

He wants to erase it all and become a passive watcher in Osamu's life. He wants to forget all the small things he learned about him. 

Who is he trying to trick? Even if he could, he cherishes them too much. 

Suna can't just deny the effect Osamu has on him, how that delicious soft feeling in his body tugged at his chest and teared his heart slowly. Painfully pleasurable. Was he masochistic maybe?   
Was he trying to enjoy the little bits of Osamu's attention he has? The way he talked more when he was with Suna, the way he smiled when they were together.   
Suna didn't like lies, but this one he could admit. Maybe he liked the tiny possibility that Osamu felt that painful pleasure in him too. And he hated himself for it. Hope or delusion? He abominates the doubt. He wishes for feelings to be as precise as a ball spiked on a volleyball court. Fast, exact, sure. 

But sometimes the ball doesn't land where you want, right?

Suna bites his lip, reluctantly accepting that although hope is kind, reality is cruel. And reality didn't like him. 

He turns on his side, pulling his phone from its spot under the pillow, wishing for a distraction to stop another tear from blurring his view. 

Suna noticed the smallest things about people and kept them in a drawer is his brain. The archive for Miya Osamu, though, is an entire library he cherishes with all his heart, as painful as it could be.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments a day keep the self-consciousness away... From the writer


End file.
